


Just Be Friends

by Noiz_Bunny



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Romance, Broken Engagement, Domestic Fluff, Engagement, Fluff and Angst, Growth, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-23 14:37:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17082176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noiz_Bunny/pseuds/Noiz_Bunny
Summary: Sometimes love just isn’t strong enough to withstand the test of time.





	Just Be Friends

**Author's Note:**

> I’m super cliché I know. But I’ve fallen back down a vocaloid hole and a WHOLE series popped in my head. I don’t particularly ship this couple, but I like it. And I’ve yet to see a fic where Thomas isn’t a bad guy, so here’s this.

The sunlight was bright, the curtains pulled wide in our bedroom. And the stark white walls made it no better, I suddenly regret wanting that modern feel for our home. I rolled over, the bed empty and the smell of bacon filled my nostrils. 

“How sweet.”

Rather than getting up, I laid there tucked in bed awhile longer; a pit stuck in my stomach. The unease remained regardless of my turning and I pondered the uncertainty. As there is nothing to be uncertain about— everything in my life is going beautifully. I’m engaged to my high school and college sweetheart, a lovely apartment, I’m gainfully employed, and we’ve even been discussing getting a pet to liven up our home. And yet I still feel dissatisfied. I turned once again, staring at the picture of Thomas and I on our nightstand. It was a shabby Polaroid that I took during my ‘indie photographer’ phase in college; it’s stuck in a plastic frame from Urban Outfitters. I remember that moment clear as day. 

I begged Thomas that we’d go to a pumpkin patch that fall. I was dying to take those cute photos you see on Pinterest or instagram, of happy couples in festive clothes enjoying what nature has to offer. I wanted to do that, I wanted to make all sorts of memories with my lover and best friend. Who doesn’t? Thomas begrudgingly dressed in a cute red flannel and dark jeans, layering a pea coat and scarf on top. To compliment, I chose a thick beige cable knit sweater, jeans and white scarf. We drove out to the place in a field way out in upstate New York. 

“Alex, we are literally in buttfuck nowhere.”

”Don’t be a sourpuss. It’ll be fun.”

He laughed loudly.

”Did you just say sourpuss?” 

Hot blush over took my tanned cheeks. I yanked his hand and stomped toward the enterance. A lot more people were there than expected, Thomas told me stories about when he was a kid and his parents took him to one of these every year, which probably prompted his dislike of them now. 

“Thomas, look how big that pumpkin is!”

The squash was bulbous and bumpy, big enough to seat three people. It even had a little curly vine growing out the stem. I took a seat, the pumpkin dwarfed me even more. 

“You look too cute! You look like a toddler.”

If I could’ve reached, I would punched him. 

“Wow, thanks. Just what I wanted to hear, Thomas.”

He chuckles, sitting next to me and yanked my camera out my leather satchel. 

“You always want more pictures of us and this’ll be a perfect moment to capture.”

I smile brightly, completely taken off guard by his initiative. We never took pictures cause Thomas can’t stand them and it absolutely warmed my heart that he suggested it for once. He outstretched his long arm, camera in hand; I snuggled closer with a huge smile. At the last second, he stole a kiss as he clicked the button. The film immediately came out, I waited giddily for it to develop and it was so much better than I could’ve imagined. My smile was gone, replaced with surprise and Thomas kissing my chubby cheek. His normally chocolate skin had a red undertone from the flash and his brown curls had a nice sheen to them. Everything about it more perfect than perfect could be. I truly loved this photo more than anything. After I admired the picture, we took a hayride and ate way too much fried food. 

But now as I lay in bed, thinking about this happy moment, I still feel complicated. My bubbling stomach interrupted my thoughts and the food he was cooking smelt awfully good. I pulled on my lounge shorts and tossed on one of Thomas’ shirts and went down the halls. His curly hair was pulled up into a poof on top of his head and he was cleanly shaven, just how I liked. 

I wrapped my arms around his waist, snuggling my face in his strong back.

“Good morning, Hammy.”

Thomas looked over his shoulder, a small smile on his face. I squeezed tighter, my heart clenched at the sight of his handsome face. 

“Good morning, beautiful.”

I let go and allowed him to work, pouring myself some juice then perched myself up on the counter. He opened the oven, checking on the bacon then turned to me, kissing my nose.

”You took forever to get up, I was lonely y’know.”

I giggled, wrapping my short legs around him and pulled him close. Thomas have a sultry chuckle and kissed my lips gently. I cupped his cheeks, stroking him with my thumbs. As I gazed into his eyes dark brown eyes, the pit grew heavier. I was looking at the love of my life and my stomach was sinking, I tried my best to ignore and crashed our lips together. He was caught off guard at first, but immediately welcomed it. Jefferson slid hands up my back, finding his way to my chest then tweezed my nipple.

”You’re still in the mood from last night? I can definitely go for seconds..”

He licked his lips and migrated his hand down to my groin, I stopped him. 

“I just really love you. So much, Thomas.”

The words came out more exasperated then loving. Thomas obviously caught onto my tone, a confused expression finding its way to his lovely face. He removed his hands from my chest and backed away, but he made no remark about it. I nervously rubbed my elbow, feeling a bit guilty.

“I know you do baby, I love you too.”  

The profession felt disingenuous, but I let it slide. Thomas eventually finished breakfast and the two settled into the living room to eat. They enjoyed their meal of bacon, pancakes, and grits along with early morning Saturday cartoons. I happily ate every bit; I remember the days I despised grits. Its texture was completely foreign, soft and crumbly and felt terrible on my tongue. The first time I had it was when I spent the night as Thomas’ and his mom made breakfast before we went to school. I preferred not to disrespect my future mother-in-law, so I stomached it. I thought Virginians, and southerners in general, to be a totally different breed to be able to consume that gruel. Although it grew on me and became one of my favorite breakfast items.

Thomas was man spread on the couch and I sat indian style on the floor near his knee. I looked up him, he was grossly picking grain out his teeth and I giggled. He blushed, quickly folding his hands behind his head.

”You always catch me at the worst times.”

I patted his knobby knee in reassurance, however it was I that truly needed it. The weight only grew heavier and it was becoming increasingly difficult to feign happiness. It was the last thing in on my mind to worry him, so I’ll keep it under wraps awhile longer.

”I have some work to do, so I’ll put away the dishes.”

He nodded, quite invested in this episode of Spongebob. I smiled sadly as I headed to the kitchen and quickly rinsed the flatware. I retreated to the office, shutting the door behind me. I exhaled heavily, I hadn’t realized I was even holding my breath. With my back to the door, I scanned the study examining the photos that littered the walls and desks. I never noticed how many photos we had up ‘til today. Our prom picture caught my eye in particular. Thomas wore that god awful fuchsia suit with long coattails and I in and equally hideous forest green suit. Neither of us had the greatest fashion sense, but we looked so happy. His hand was tucked in the small of my back and my head rested on his shoulder and hand on his chest.

I smiled at the photo as I settled in at the desk. Beginning to scribble down notes on legal documents, my thoughts continued to torment me out of my focus. This gnawing feeling was absolutely dibilitating and only hit when I thought of us.

I looked down at the silver band with a horrid look— the ‘Always & Forever’ taunted me. Something in me just clicked and the tears started bubbling in my eyes. Something was so wrong and I had no idea why. The pit was now at its heaviest, feeling like a million tons. This ring no longer made my heart jump, my brain no longer sizzled with thoughts of our future together. It was suddenly blank, only memories came to me as if I had already gone. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to dispel the negativity, I refused to believe that this spark— no, raging fire, had burnt out. It could never burn out. Thomas Jefferson was the man— is the man, I’ve always dreamed of and I am going to become Alexander Jefferson one of these days. I just knew it, I know it.

The insecurity was overwhelming, it made my heart tighten. I ran back to the leaving room to find Thomas gone.

”T-Thomas?!”

I hollered through the house, my breathing rapid and my thoughts were soaring. 

He ran to me also in a tizzy, frightened by my screaming. 

“Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

”Please tell me you love me. You do don’t you?”

Thomas stared, confused. I have never been one to openly share my insecurities, but until it completely ate away my outer facade. It was usually him begging me to talk. 

“Alex, ‘course I love you. Why wouldn’t I? You’re gonna be my husband someday. Once we get all this sorted out, we’re gonna get married and start that future we planned together.”

I couldn’t even remember what that dream was anymore. I just wanted to be ok right now, here in the present. 

I nodded and hugged him tight. I could feel that hopeful expression fall as he too, tightened his embrace. There was no reconciliation, if anything I had just verbally planted seeds of doubt. I wavered and now he too, was unsteady. For the first time in eight years, I had no idea where to go from here. It scared me, terrified me. 

“A-are we okay?”

We has yet to leave each other’s arms, both tightly wrapped for the security we lacked internally.

”Of course we are baby. Better than ok.”

I just wished this heaviness would just drop out of me and plop onto the floor. But it didn’t, it just say that there and made more miserable by the second. I cursed my selfishness, this discontent was undeserved and strange. Sure Thomas and I had our ups and downs like anybody else, but there was never a time I felt like this. It had a sense of finality and honestly, what was life without Thomas? He is all I’ve ever known and all I want to know, I think.

Thomas caressed my cheeks, his eyes were filled with worry. He was probably wondering why I was acting like this, or what’s been eating at me. And I just didn’t have answer, I’m so happy it should be a crime— however at the same time, I wasn’t happy.

”Alexander, is everything alright? Is there something you need to tell me?”

It spooked me that he called me by my full name, he never does that so it’s no doubt that he was serious. Was there something I need to tell him? Whatever it may be, it’s beyond me.

”Only thing I need to tell you is, that I love you with all my heart. And I can’t wait to be married to you and be Alexander Jefferson and adopt 3 kids and get a dog. And then move back to Virginia and get the red brick colonial style house we always talked about. You are the love of my life, Thomas.”

He laughed, kissing my forehead. I could feel his hot years burn my skin. Thomas never cried. 

“God, I’m so glad you feel that way baby. I can’t wait either, I just want our life together to begin.”

I held him tighter, unsure of what else I could do. We stood in the hallway of our lovely apartment, having a complete and utter breakdown. And suddenly life didn’t feel so perfect anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the worst habit of starting one thing without finishing other things. But that habit isn’t stopping anytime soon. Lol I’m awful.


End file.
